Ahhh…….. it’s finally Labor Day. It signifies the end of the oppressive summer heat, a return to school and a get back to work feeling. President Rita Relaxin just wants one more summer day to enjoy all the festivities her wonderful condominium Peaceful Paradise has to offer.
Rita decides to start the day with a swim. She goes out her front door and Christopher Complainer was just about to knock. Christopher starts raging that Rita and her board are corrupt and must be stealing money. He has had enough. Rita asks him to explain and Christopher says that Joe said that Frank said that Mary said that Ruth said that she saw Rita take a Hershey Bar from the on-site vending machine without paying for it. He also said he “knows for sure” that she’s able to use the washing machines in the laundry room for free. Rita brushes past him to head for the pool.
Rita waits for the elevator. It finally arrives. The door opens and there’s Ira Impossible with his emotional support King Cobra. Rita waits for the next elevator but yells at Ira that the snake has to go. Ira says “sue me if you don’t like it. My lawyer and his emotional support Giraffe is better than yours”
The door opens to the first floor. Thank god nobody is there. No wait……Political Paul is standing by the mailboxes with his red Make America Great Again hat. He demands that Rita remove CNN and all Fake News from the condo’s channel line-up. Rita says she can’t do that, watch a different channel and leave me alone.
Rita finally makes it to the pool. She’s so eager to get there that she dives in head first. Two of her fellow board members are already in the pool. Paul Paparazzi is suddenly on the scene snapping pictures of the three of them, screaming that the Board is now having an illegal meeting and that these pictures are enough to finally put them all in jail under that new Condo Crime Bill.
Rita ignores Mr. Paparazzi, swims for an hour or so and goes back upstairs to shower off. With a head full of shampoo the water shuts off entirely. After screaming some profanities, she gets out, gets dressed and runs into Sleepy the Super. Sleepy decided to fix the building’s plumbing on Labor Day. Ohhhh….and he isn’t a licensed plumber either but did sleep in a Holiday Inn last night.
Rita goes out for the rest of the night, grabs a good dinner with some friends, shares a bottle of wine and the worst of the day is clearly behind her. She drives home, drives up to the gate, clicks the clicker, but the gate won’t open. Rita asks the security guard to open the gate but he tells Rita that she’s on a list of delinquent unit owners who can’t use the clicker any more. If she wants in, she goes through the visitor lane. Rita is too tired to fight and concedes until tomorrow.
Rita is almost home. She parks the car, goes through the front door, walks into the lobby and there’s 14 people standing there screaming that they rented 6 units on AirBNB and nobody is there to give them the key. Rita introduces herself as the President, politely explains that overnight rentals are not allowed in the community and asks everyone to leave. They agree — if Rita personally refunds all of their deposits. Rita calls the police and goes upstairs.
Rita is done. She’s had enough. She climbs into bed turns on CNN and her mind wonders about whether being on the Board is worth it. What’s the use she thinks. There’s no appreciation. It’s all hard work. There’s no fun. But suddenly a smile appears on her face. She remembers……… There is a place where she and all Board member like her are appreciated. There is a place where everyone gets together to share stories of their hard work and have the opportunity to learn and become even better. The Condo Craze Board Seminars are just around the corner! If I can just maintain my sanity until then! Rita falls asleep. At 3am however, there’s enough water in her unit to float her bed down the hallway. Sleepy Super hit a pipe.
Dedicated to all of the Board members who devote their time and energy to helping make their condo, co-op or HOA a better place to live, all year long.