It’s been a tradition for the last few years in this blog to talk about how various Presidents of their community association spend their Labor Day. After all, the President of your association not only worked the whole year for your association, but did so free of charge. (But for those who were arrested for thinking they were entitled to a paycheck).
David Doonutin is the President of Barely Standing Condo Association in Miami. Last year he too thought he deserved the day off. David works at his son in law’s management company, Hida Records, during the week. Today, he wanted to sleep in. Sure enough however, he woke to the sounds of dripping water coming from his bathroom. Once again, his upstairs neighbor, Gay Shluffin had fallen asleep in the tub, causing it to overflow, wrecking David’s bathroom ceiling. David vows that this is the last time Gay will get away with this.
After calling the association’s handy man to come in on his day off, Dominick Defraud comes in to shut off the water. David now thinks it’s a good idea to just leave the house for a few hours. Before he gets a chance to lock the door, his next door neighbor Patricia Panic wants to know why everyone hasn’t put up their shutters and why the pool furniture is still out. She heard that Tropical Storm Erika is actually reforming and is aiming straight for the Barely Standing Condominium.
The elevator arrives and David is eager to get on. But there is Lynda Liar with her two pit bulls that she claims are her emotional support animals. She lovingly refers to them as Killer 1 and Killer 2. David decides to wait for the next elevator while he curses the association’s attorney for not getting the damm dogs out already.
David makes it to the first floor. Diana Duover is standing by the mailboxes trying to get everyone in the building to recall David. She wants signatures. Diana believes David is unqualified for President because the association’s new cable company no longer carries “The Soap Channel” and David should have known this before signing that bulk contract. David reminds her that “The Soap Channel” doesn’t even exist any longer and Diana accuses David of having something to do with that as well.
David decides the best way to unwind is by doing a few laps in the pool. There’s no peace there either. Kitty Complainer and Sara Shouter are accusing each other of cheating in the poolside Mah Jong game. Sara reminds Kitty that Kitty’s husband dated her first in the 40s in Brooklyn and that she still doesn’t know what Kitty’s husband sees in her. It was getting ugly.
David is now looking to run. He gets in the car, starts the engine and backs up. Only to have Bruce Blindly slam into his side door. Bruce starts cursing David even though Bruce was clearly at fault. Bruce promises to sue David and wind up owning the whole dam condo after he is finished with David.
David gets to the security gate. After waking up the guard, David asks him if all is OK. The guard says he’s not sure because someone stole the video cameras from the security booth. David goes to the beach.
At the end of a long day, David just wants to go to sleep. He gets past the guard gate. He gets through the lobby. He rides up the elevator and walks into his apartment. So far so good. He climbs into bed. Turns out the light and hears …………drip, drip drip. Gay is in the bath again.
To all Presidents and Board members out there…..here’s hoping your Labor Day is better than David’s.
