Dominic Devoted has been the President of Broken and Bruised Condo for as long as he cares to remember. He longs for Labor Day because he knows that even the condo trouble makers understand what Labor Day stands for. Even they know not to bother him on what should be the holiest of holy days for board members. For one day, Dominic knows he can’t be bothered. While it doesn’t say so in the governing documents, it’s certainly an understood unwritten rule.
That is until Carla Decomplayner woke Dominic up with a call at 7am. Carla wanted to know if the Board had planned any special activities for Labor Day. Dominic said yes…SLEEP. And promptly hung up the phone.
Dominic drifts back to dreaming and ………..BANG! He hears a car accident in the parking lot. Ida Izblind just smashed her 1983 Camry with 3000 original miles into one of the new electric vehicle charging stations. Ida blames Dominic for allowing these ridiculous science fiction contraptions in the condo and puts on her glasses after the damage is done.
As much as he wanted to stay in bed, Dominic ran down to make sure Ida and the charging station were still in one piece. Nat Nitpick, a retired CPA from New York catches Dominic in the hallway. Nat says that if the Board would only listen him, nobody would even have to pay maintenance every month. The first thing he suggests is getting two sets of books and faking an insurance claim. He said he did this for some other condos in the Big Apple and it worked out well. In fact in about 7 1/2 -15 years, the directors will be able to tell you all about it. Dominc manages to get away.
Running past the bulletin board he runs into Allen Agravate. Allen is pointing at the notice of the upcoming board meeting and starts swearing at Dominic for not giving the owners 175 days advanced notice of the meeting as required by Florida law. Dominc says only 2 days is required. Allen says that’s impossible because he attended one of those Condo Craze seminars and he swears Glazer said 175 days is required and if not, the President loses his car. Glazer can’t be reached for comment.
It’s not even 8:00 am on Labor Day and Dominic is already exhausted. He gets to the parking lot and Ida is fine. The electric charging station is dented but at least nobody is hurt. Then, Joe Muscles, who never seems to leave the gym, threatens to pound Dominc into sawdust because he knows that there is this new law that says directors can’t serve more than 3 years in a row and Dominc is in his 5th year. He better step down or else the DBPR will take away his wife and kids. Dominc says the DBPR can’t do that. Joe Muscles says that’s impossible because he attended one of those Condo Craze seminars and he swears Glazer said so. Domic promises to give serious consideration to resigning anyway. Glazer still can’t be reached for comment.
No point in turning around and going back to sleep at this point. Dominic figures now is as good a time as any to take a lap or two in the pool. To his shock, Freddie Faker is in the pool, and so is his pet porcupine. Dominc swears at Freddie to get that damm pet out of the pool. Freddie says that’s not my pet, it’s my emotional support porcupine. Ever since the Heat traded Lebron James, he provides me comfort. It’s difficult to snuggle with says Freddie, but says that’s why he has a wife. He also dares Dominc to pick it up if he wants it out of the pool so badly.
Dominic leaves the pool and heads upstairs. Now he knows for sure…..if he’s crazy enough to be on the board next year on Labor Day, he’s staying at a hotel.