Joe Hadanuf is the President of Livinhel Condo. Joe and his Vice President, Haywood Ukilme plan on getting up early, spending the day at the beach and leaving Livinhel in the rear view mirror just for today. After all, it’s Labor Day and even Board members are entitled to one day without dealing with all of the condo craziness.
They decide to meet in Joe’s apartment at 9am. Haywood leaves his unit at 8:55. He brings with him a beach chair and some sandwiches. Sally Snitch catches Haywood in the hallway and wants to know why he stole the condo’s pool furniture. Haywood tells her it’s his own chair, but Sally isn’t buying it. She demands he put back the chair but first bring his sandwiches back home because there’s no food allowed at the pool. Haywood insists he’s not going to the pool and that the sandwiches are for the beach. Sally calls him names I can’t write in this blog.
Haywood makes it to Joe’s unit and Joe lets him in. It takes about 10 seconds and Andy Deagresor starts pounding at the door. He demands to know why the Board is having an illegal unannounced board meeting in Joe’s unit. Joe explains it’s not a meeting – they’re on the way to the beach. That doesn’t stop Andy from taking out his phone to snap pictures of Joe and Andy together. Joe again asks Andy to leave and Andy replies that tomorrow he will be filing a complaint against Joe and Haywood with the DBPR and Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s office. He does eventually leave.
Not wanting to bump into anyone else, Haywood and Joe decide to bypass the elevator and take the stairs. They find no solace there as Chris Coughin is standing on the 4th floor stairwell smoking something that is definitely not a cigarette. He claims that despite the no smoking rule contained in the governing documents, he needs to smoke his magic cigarettes for medicinal purposes. It helps him to see things that really aren’t there. Joe and Haywood tell him to please stop smoking on the common areas or he will ultimately be fined. Chris promises to fight this all the way to the US Supreme Court.
Haywood and Joe make it out of the stairway and into the parking garage. Joe’s car is now in sight. Just a few more steps. But here comes Dominic Despeeder, complaining that the condo installed too many speed bumps and it’s no longer fun to drive his sports car at high speeds in the parking garage. He wants the speed bumps removed. While Dominic is complaining, Sue Meincourt walks over and starts jabbering about the fact that there’s too many video cameras in the garage and it’s an invasion of her privacy. Sue has recently installed two video cameras to her own front door, in violation of the condo documents.
Promising to address each of their problems after the holiday, Haywood and Joe finally break away and jump in the car. But it won’t start. Joe and Haywood get out of the car and lift up the hood. And there’s a note where the battery used to be…..saying “I warned you not to foreclose on me didn’t I?” Happy Labor Day! Time to call for an Uber.
Dedicated to all of the board members who give it their all throughout the year.