A LABOR DAY TRADITION.

Each year I love to write about how Labor Day should apply to everyone, especially to those people who voluntarily serve as officers and directors in our Florida community associations. If anyone deserves a day of recognition and a day to sit back, kick off their shoes and soak in the sun, it’s these underappreciated people. This column is devoted to them.

David Dogooder is the President of Far From Paradise condominium in Palm Beach County. David is glad it’s Labor Day and plans to concentrate today on using all the wonderful amenities the condominium has to offer. He has invited his family and friends over for a day packed with fun and entertainment.

It’s time to prepare. David needs to run out and get some food. He rushes out the door, only to bump into his next door neighbor Yetta Yapper. Right off the bat, Yetta tears into David and tells him that she’s tired of all the damm commercials about Trump or Clinton on TV all the time and blames David for signing that new bulk cable contract. Yetta swears that if David didn’t sign that contract, there would be no such commercials and thinks there’s also no need for anyone to be paying for the internet, which she believes is useless and a passing fancy. Yetta was a school teacher and likes old fashioned books instead of computer screens.

David politely nods his head and sprints toward the elevator. The elevator arrives, the door swings open, and there is unit owner Jacob Jockey, and his support animal horse. Jacob tells David that he learned that Florida law allows someone to have a horse as a service animal. While David admits that Jacob is right, he still tells Jacob that he thinks a horse is too big an animal to keep in unit 403. Jacob demands his right to keep the horse, telling David that the horse will help him emotionally cope with what is expected to be a particularly bad Miami Dolphin season. No time to argue, David gets to the first floor and runs off the elevator.

The Board at Far From Paradise signed a contract a few weeks ago to finally fix up the broken parking lot. Of course the contractor, Paymefirst Construction, never bothered to show up for the job. Until today. David’s car as well as some of the neighbors, is blocked by several construction vehicles. David isn’t going anywhere, without calling Uber. That didn’t stop Frank Foulmouth from screaming at David that David should be investigated by the cops and thrown in prison for hiring his son in law to do the construction. David reminds Frank he has no children and no son in law. Franks doesn’t believe him.

David meets the Uber driver by the front gate and goes shopping. David gets his food and comes back to the condo. The security guard won’t let him through the gate because the Uber car doesn’t have a Far From Paradise parking decal and the driver does not have three dollars in exact change to park in Visitor Parking. David reminds the security guard that he simply wants to be dropped off, the driver isn’t staying, and that the $3.00 or the parking sticker isn’t necessary. The security guard, Blindas Abat, tells David that he gets no favors just because he’s the President and he has to carry his groceries through the parking lot that’s under construction, just like everyone else.

David manages to carry his groceries upstairs, but when he gets to his door, Lucy Deliar is standing there. Lucy always seems to have no luck operating the laundry machines on her floor and demands that David give her some laundry tokens immediately or she will sue the hell out of the condo for millions of dollars. David puts down his bags, goes inside and politely returns with a few free tokens. Lucy doesn’t say Thank You, turns around and leaves apparently in disgust.

David’s friends and family arrive. They are all having a wonderful dinner in David’s unit. Until Norman Nofareners bangs on the door. Norman demands that David come to his unit immediately because the smell coming from his next door neighbor’s unit is unbearable. David excuses himself from his own party, goes to Norman’s unit, and sure enough smells some sort of foreign dish being cooked right next door. David explains that people have a right to cook what they want in their own home. Norman screams “Not on Labor Day – it’s an American Holiday — hot dogs, burgers and chicken wings — and that’s it.” David politely disagrees and goes back to his party.

It’s been a long day, David’s guests finally leave and David looks forward to calling it an evening. That’s when security called and said that unit owner Victor Voyeur apparently drank too much on this Labor Day and is in the pool. Wearing nothing. And the neighbors want David to take care of this unsightly problem. David has already seen too much today and tells security to call the police and in a few hours when they show up, they will remove Victor from the pool.

David finally gets to bed and ponders how lucky he is to be going back to work tomorrow instead of spending the day at the condo. David works as a high speed safety test track dummy for General Motors.

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